SWEET GEODES             Are You a Rockaholic?


So how can you tell if you are a Rockaholic? Grade the depth of your affliction on your responses to the questions asked below.

If you are a Rockaholic, you must meet a certain threshold. Keep score as some are worth extra points! 

1 You identify and look at the rocks and geology rather than the flesh when watching R rated movies! (2)
2. Your partner comments that your Erotica is misplaced in the rock tumbler.
3. You pull into every new road cut you see.
4. Your sap runs higher when you stroke a well polished slab or sexy rock rather than a person! (2)
5. Vacation topics with friends are built around the rocks you brought home.
6. The house foundation has taken a slope to it for the weight of your rock display.
7. You can pronounce“molybdenite” correctly on the first try.
8. Your bald head is often compared to Ayers rock.
9. Speaking of polished and enlarged things. Lesters belt buckle is six inches across. (2)
10. You have asked your local rock store to open a Drive-Through Window!
11. When New Ager’s dangle their crystal, you begin to salivate.
12. You have a permanent bucket with tools in the trunk of your car.
13. You have a bumper sticker saying. “I brake for rocks.”
14. Your PC screen saver features pictures or rocks.
14. You dating plan is to wait and hit on someone at the rock show.
15. Your pockets or washing machine always have pebbles or rocks in them.
16. You have rolled a boulder down the hill, trying to bounce it into the bed of your pickup (2) My friend Dumpster, Not me!
17.You went to a rock festival thinking it was selling rocks.
At Halloween you give out rocks.
At the golf course you apologize every time your ball hits a boulder
20.Your flower garden is replaced with a rock garden or Zen pebble garden.
You give rocks, tumblers, or rock picks for Christmas.
22.You have ever been kicked out of a rockery for propositioning the inhabitants!
You belong to a rock club that uses rocks for center-pieces for the Christmas dinner.
24. You use your
rock pick for personal hygiene!
You go purchasing things at the Home Depot just to get another nice bucket.
When your friends say they're going to Tucson, you assume it'll be in February.
27. You think freaks of nature like
druzzi are things to bring home and cherish!
Worse yet you believe a Druzzi refers to a religious cult.
For 501(c)(3 )tax purposes you suggested to your club that it becomes a rock worshiping Church. "Church of Sweet Geodes,"
The  club treasurer didn't agree.

30.You evaluate your employees on the Mhos scale.
31. You
named your children Jewel,Metallica, Obsidian, Grit, Opal or Beryl.
32. Your passenger seat is more often filled with
rock samples instead of a date!
33. If on that date you begin your conversation as being an expert on “
34. You invite your date for a roll in the
quarry, which turns out to be very chippy indeed!
35. Worse yet you compliment her on her
boulder sized figure.
36. You
can find Quartzite on a map in less than five minutes.
37. You
r bookshelf holds more rocks than books.
38. You stand waiting by the sign that reads. "WATCH FOR FALLING ROCK."
39. If your wife opens the dishwasher and yells your name.

Turns out that I was 71 proof. Those of you scoring above 40% seriously consider the
Rockaholic s Getaway. My next challenge.

Out of some 85 points I scored high enough to be 75 proof..
0-25 proof (suggestions?)
25-60 proof—(suggestions?)

70-proof--You are a proud and deserving recipient of myTerminal Rockaholic award"You need salvation or a burial in an amethyst crypt. I did ask my daughter to start saving up for one.

You may also be a candidate for my Pacific-Rimica's  Rockers Group.

40. You view your potential mate as how well he or she can motivate the wheelbarrow!
41. You invite your In-laws to
help rock hunt in rattlesnake country
In your divorce the custody battle is about the children. Chalcedony, Grit and Obsidian!
43. Divorce, when mentioned to your lawyer is referred to as
44. Part of the problem being … she calls you
Igneous,worse yet Sedimentary.
Regarding #41. You forgot to bring your snake bite kit along.
46. You
come home from the lapidary saw smelling like oil. Your wife adds the Vinegar.
47. Worse yet you begin enjoying
the smell of the oil!
On a trip to Europe, you're the only member who looks at the cathedral walls with a pocket magnifier.
Regarding that rock filed bookshelf – most of the books are on rocks.
50. If you know and really can pronounce “chalcedony”correctly
The first thing you pack for your vacation is a chisel and a hammer, making plane travel difficult and Homeland Security nervous.
52. Manicurist exclaims”Why honey chile, Ah neva done seen humpbacked and gritty calluses like these.”Whatever do you eva do!”
Grit, Obsidian and Chalcedony rebel and report you for child abuse for their   names.
54. You have begun to name the rocks you own. Victor for one.
55. You consider
Rock Maps deep thrill reading.
56. You compliment your partner’s
polish and sheen.
You hang around heavy rock sat the Rock Shop hoping to snag a hunk
You sign your cards with conglomerately yours instead of sincerely or love.
59. When your wife stops calling you a "coach potato" and refers to you as sedimentary porphory.
60.Campho-Pheque, Ben Gay and Momentum are your drugs of choice.
61. Your kayak partner is left behind when you collect a 5 gallon stash of beach agates.
62. You examine the rocks in driveways or at the airport landscaping.
63 Your car has been a stranger to your garage for years.
64. Airport security gives you an extra going over the underwear            cushioned stones that scan as grenades. (2) True story.
65. The bagage and ticket handlers remember you and refuse to take your  luggage.
65. When you are told that you had to have a landfill permit should you store any MORE rocks on your property.
66.  Field trips have been held on your property.
67.  Les Schwab exclaims that they have never seen such a tread separation as on my one-ton Toyota. "What the heck did you put in it?" Refer back to #16. True story.
68. Words like tumbling or vibratory turn out to be more used in the garage  than in the bedroom.
69. You suggest to the hotel management that their aquarium rocks should be upgraded with sparky quartz or better. (true story)
70. Your on-line back statement  chart of expenses show that rock purchases have now exceeded the food purchases.
71. Your date asks if you prefer dogs or cats and you respond-- "I have a pet rock."
72. You then ask her if you could put a backpack on her dog.
73. You have created a rock and mineral base on your computer.
74. The computer has a mineral or rock hounding screen saver.
75.  You treat your rock saw like a classic car and wax it every month.
76. Refering to #37 The books on that bookshelf are mostly on rocks.
77. When a furniture leg breaks off you have a rock big enough to replace it.

If you have any more additions please contact me.

(C) Herb Senft 2013